Make it stop!

The sleek, coppery locks that donned her head this morning …” Her hair put her head on this morning? Or perhaps padlocks put her head on this morning.

Good thing she didn’t wear much make-up. It would slide off her face faster than a double scoop of ice cream in a five-year-old’s hand.” Where do I start with this one? Images of a five-year-old with ice cream in its bare hand. Images of ice cream sliding off the woman’s face. Images of a five-year-old sliding off the woman’s face.

Going to the Kindle home page, deleting the book, and walking away now. I know the book was free, but may I get a refund please?

Sugar Jamison

I usually avoid books that have “BBW” in the description or genre. Think plague.

For some reason, I when I read the blurb for Sugar Jamison’s Dangerous Curves Ahead, I did not go screaming in the opposite direction.In fact, I downloaded it to Vishous.

Dangerous Curves Ahead

After I slogged through the very tedious romance (yeah, not an adjective I usually use for romance) If You Only Knew, I wasn’t sure I was ready for another chick lit read for a long, looooooong while. I skimmed and skipped through the last half of the book and still ran into the same phrases again and again. The final reveal of the deep, dark secret was such a small detail next to the best friend’s secret. And frankly, even I haven’t met guys that are nearly as dim-witted about relationships and women as the two men in that book. But I digress.

It was the middle of the night and I needed something to read to help me get back to sleep. I looked through my To Be Read and saw the title, clicked on the description, and thought, “Oh hell, why not?” I found out why not.

In response to a snarky aunt of an ex, skinny, holier-than-thou, I-have-a-weight-loss-center, judgemental bitch, Ellis gave this response as to why she was buying a Black and White cookie: “Ellis shook her head sadly. ‘I ate fifteen boxes of cookies the last time I robbed a Girl Scout. And then I gained three pounds. And then I got arrested and then they forced me to do all that community service and let me tell you, my big ass does not look good in neon orange.’ ”

All Hail Sugar Jamison! I think this woman has just become a new shero of mine.

Now, my snarky, skinny, holier-than-thou, über-critical, judgemental bitch is simply one of the many voices in my head, harping at me night and day, telling me I’m not good enough because I’m plus-size. She nags at me, then my self-destruct voice says any good habits and life-style changes I attempt are going to fail. Miss Bitch starts her tirade, and Miss Self-Doubt tells me I can’t, so forget it. I then throw my hands in the air, just chucking the idea of losing weight and getting fit.

Maybe this time, Miss Mouth can use Ellis’s line? In just a few short pages, Jamison is making me finally understand that not every woman has to be a size 0 to be happy. Not every woman needs to be the perfect model. Not every man needs a sweet little lady. Some men aren’t afraid of curves and some men like sassy women. In fiction, at least.

A very good start. Let’s see if the rest of the book keeps up.

Death and the Girl Next Door

As I said in a prior post, I won this as a physical book from Goodreads. I entered a contest and actually won! I would not have entered the contest if the book hadn’t been written by one of my favorite authors because 1) I don’t do dtb now that I have a Kindle and 2) I rarely read YA books — notable exception being the Harry Potter series. The Hunger Games series is still on my TBR list even though I have bought the Kindle books.

Darynda Jones‘s Death and the Girl Next Door is set to be released October 2, 2012. I finished reading it early this morning. It’s a story that centers around 5 people who attend the same high school. Three are best friends, one is the loner from the area, and one is the new kid in town. Most of that you can get from the book description on the back cover, That’s all the detail I will give because spoilers suck and not well.

I loved the dialogue, especially between the three — Lorilei, Glitch and Brooklyn. The bit that takes place in the house of a certain über-wealthy family regarding the molding used in the rooms is classic Darynda Jones. As frequently happens when I read one of  her books, there’s a point when I reach for something to stuff into my mouth to keep from laughing out loud and disturbing others in the area. This was one of those points and yes, snorting my beverage was an ugly side effect.

I particularly loved the plot technique of taking legend/folk-lore/myth and using it as a base for the story. The author does not rigidly adhere to the legends, but uses them as the golden thread while weaving the tale. Jarad’s “real” name and Cameron’s biological father’s name are indeed the stuff of legend and teachings. It gives a feeling of reality in an otherwise fantastical plot. Hey, it’s supposed to be fantastical. After all, that is genre — YA paranormal fantasy with a nice dash of romance.

The only thing that bothers me about this book is that I have to wait a year to read the next in the series, Death, Doom and Detention.

Quandry … solved!

“I never win anything.” I can’t say that anymore. One of my favorite authors, Darynda Jones, has a new book coming out October 2. “Death and the Girl Next Door” is the beginning of her new YA series.

“Death and the Girl Next Door ” by Darynda Jones

I am on Goodreads and they were having a contest to win a pre-release dtb (dead-tree book) and I don’t read dtbs because I have a Kindle. The book is not yet available for Kindle pre-order, but as soon as it is. I’m buying it. I figured I don’t win stuff so what the hell — enter the contest.

Last night I get an email saying I won! Woohoo!!! But I don’t read dtbs. So what to do? Write back and say “thanks, just kidding” and not get the book early? Oh, I don’t think so. My solution is to read it, still order it on Kindle as soon as it’s available, and pass the book on to a friend when I’m finished. She doesn’t have a Kindle, I’m buying a copy to no one it out money, and I’m introducing her to a new-to-her New York Times best-selling author! Everyone wins!