‘Tis the Season

Yes, this is a stressful time of year. Yes, it is hectic and yes, many people are on edge. But does that mean civility has to be a casualty?

I swear, if one more person bitches at me today, I’m going to lose it and go global on his/her ass!

I went to the grocery store this morning. Yeah, yeah, my first mistake. I stopped at the in-store cafe for a latte. Unfortunately, the person in front of the line was writing a check for a cup of coffee. Ok, I understand the desperate need for caffeine, but a check?

I’m not sure what the discussion was about, but whatever. The line behind be was getting longer by the minute. However, I wanted my caffeine, too, so there was nothing to do but wait. And it’s Christmas Eve, so it’s all good, right?

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Confessions of a coffee addict

When I lived in New York (New York City to those who live outside the City), caffeine was my drug of choice. Now, it’s a toss-up between caffeine and various brands of NSAIDs. But I digress.

Most of the time,  I self-administered the caffeine in the form of coffee. People who know me now say I drink a lot of coffee. They only say that because they didn’t know me back then.

In my mid-twenties, I started to suffer from some of the medical side-effects of caffeine. No, not nervousness and jitters. Everyone in New York looks jittery to outsiders. That knee thing was just the “soundman’s jiggle.” Anyway, I went to see a doctor and he said to give up caffeine. Yikes!

Chocolate wasn’t going to be such a huge issue. Giving up soda was going to be a bit of a problem. Cutting out tea and coffee was going to friggin’ kill me.

I made the attempt. For three days and nights, I did without my morning coffee, afternoon coffee, evening coffee and tea, and nighttime tea. Even the glass of tea I kept I kept on the nightstand was replaced with water. For three days and nights, I was my usual self — except at any given moment, I was a half second away from going cosmic on someone’s butt. Usually I was at least 10 seconds away.

The fourth day was Saturday and I could sleep in for a bit. When I awoke, it was to the heavenly aroma of fresh-brewed coffee. My dear, sweet, loving boyfriend came into the bedroom bearing a cup of dark-roast, liquid orgasm. He smiled that secret smile and said, “Here, honey. Drink this.”

“Sweetie, you know I’ve given up caffeine.”

A feral growl came out of his throat. “DRINK THIS! NOW!”

I guess I wasn’t handling withdrawal nearly as well as I thought.

Credit: Quasipalm/wikimedia.org